Self-Consciousness and Flow
One of my frequent frustrations as a performing musician was the interference of self-consciousness while playing. Specifically, what I'll describe happened most often when I played a guitar instrumental at the edge of my talent. My practices would be exceptional experiences of focus and flow. In my studio, the music came through me easily, and my awareness of time and space and my place in them would fade into the background, and there would only be music playing. It was magical. The experience in front of an audience was completely different. As soon as there were other people in the room watching me play, my tension would rise, and that part of me that cared about what other people think came barreling into my awareness. Self-consciousness would involve itself in my performance, and the sense of focus and flow I had in the practice room evaporated on the stage. A mistake would happen, and the tension would be even greater, and another mistake would follow, and many times, I woul...
