Those of you who know me well might be surprised to hear me say that. I'm usually a 'go with the flow' kinda guy, taking whatever comes and dealing with it the best way that I can. Well my go with the flow days have met their match. Bodhi's charter school didn't open this year as we'd planned. We received word in late July that the lease that had been signed had fallen through and that our school would not be open until Fall of 2013. We were lucky in that there were several other families who were willing to go in together and pay the teacher to go ahead and take the class for a couple of days per week and then we'd home school the rest of the time.
If you ever meet anyone that has chosen to home school their kids, I'd like you to take them out for lunch or a few beers because those people have been working harder than you know. And then, go to any school and pick any teacher and take them out for a few beers or dinner, too because they have been working harder than you know. Even providing a simple schedule of good, balanced learning activities for one kid is exhausting. To anyone who does this five days a week for seven hours a day, I will forever salute you.
In the mean time most of the ideas I had set out to pursue this year have been put on hold or completely ignored. I am slowly getting my coaching practice started again and I'm playing music a handful of evenings each month, but the creative things I love to do have been almost completely pushed aside. Songwriting, recording projects, learning my new video editing software and some of my community volunteering have had to drop off my to do list, and I feel a little like a drifting sailboat.
I don't know about you, but I'm a person who needs loads of uninterrupted solitude to feel any satisfaction with my creative process. Before Monica and I got married, I would have about 10 hours every day of unstructured creative time. These were the years that I wrote songs, recorded my CD, played sessions, worked with other songwriters and read whole books. I'd teach guitar lessons for about 30 hours a week to pay the bills, but the rest of my time was all mine. I miss that.
That's not to say that I don't absolutely adore Monica and Bodhi, but it's not an easy thing for me to share my life. With anyone. And especially now, when Monica and I take turns holding the school structure for Bodhi as both his parents and his part time teachers, I'm looking forward to a time when someone who is both highly gifted and dedicated will take up that mantle. I'm tired. Monica's tired. And I think even Bodhi's tired.
The two days of the week that he is in school with his teacher are days that he really enjoys. And most of those days I get the luxury of spending in Old Town Fort Collins, going to the library to write and think, meeting friends and clients for coffee or lunch at Cafe Ardour or one of the many restaurants in Old Town. But even with those two days each week I still feel like I only have enough time to get started, only to find that the interim period between starting and continuing the work puts some distance between me and the moment of inspiration that started the ball rolling. Enough distance that I have scrapped a whole bunch of projects and commitments because I have forgotten why they were important enough for me to begin working on in the first place.
So my big learnings here are that going with the flow is easier when the river is contained within its banks. Even if the structure that I need is for every one else to have structure so that I can have the freedom and time to wind my way through, it's good for me to have some predictable space and time to be tinkering alone in the basement. Here's hoping that will be right around the next bend...