Franklin Taggart's Blog

I spent years trying to find myself, know myself, be myself, realize my best self...self, self, self. It almost feels like I spent my growing up years trying on clothes, and forgetting to take the suits off that didn't fit until I was left with a walking closet of layer upon layer of who I thought I was. The weight was unbearable, and carrying all the layers for the years that I did created problems to solve, situations to figure out, relationships to control, dominate or avoid, and the more I thought I knew, the more lost I really felt. The peeling began in 1998. It wasn't external circumstances that demanded the change, it was completely internal. I had good things, good friends, good work...all the stuff that I thought would make me happy, and I felt miserable and empty. I had carried a deep belief for many years that finding a mate was going to fix the emptiness, so I had been on a quest to find such a one. I felt such an urgency and pressure, and ultimately a lot of pain a

In 1993 I went through a divorce. I was 30, restless, scared, and clueless. All of the crutches I'd leaned on - relationships, friendships, church, work - were one by one being removed, some by my doing, others by fate. In the midst of all the instability I rediscovered my love of music. One Sunday I went to CT Pepper's in Broadripple and signed up to play in the blues jam. That was the night I met Phil. Phil was the bass player in the house band for the jam. He was a tall, charismatic guy who made me laugh, and he was also instantly encouraging me to play the guitar like I meant it. I played a set, and had a blast. It was the first time that I had played in public in several years. Since there were a handful of bass players there that night, Phil didn't have to play much, so we hung out, had beers and talked. We became fast friends. It's impossible not to love a guy who hands down had the best Harry Caray impression. One of the things we found in common was that we

No one knows your whole story. What people know about you is usually limited to knowing the role that they've seen you in, or that they've heard about you. For the students at my kid's school and their parents, I'm known as Bodhi's dad. At Unity I'm known as the music director and occasional speaker. People who have seen me play music at breweries and bars know me as a singer who covers other people's music. People who have seen me play in concert settings know me as a songwriter. Some people know me as a guitar teacher, and some people know me as a coach. One challenge I see frequently for the clients I work with is that it's hard for people who already know them in another context to see them in a different way. It's almost easier to start building a new audience from scratch than to attempt to get people who already know you to see you in a new light. Sometimes we're passed over for opportunities that would be a great fit for us only becau

Self doubt, insecurity and uncertainty have been frequent visitors to my psyche for as long as I can remember. I can remember feeling these things all the way back to my earliest memories. They're not necessarily tied to any particular circumstances. I just felt that way. I still often feel that way. For a long time I thought that these frequent feelings were an indicator of some personal deficiency. Why the hell couldn't I just be more confident, self assured, and secure? If I felt this way there must be something really wrong with me. Therapy ensued. I found little relief. Talking about my past, my upbringing, and social patterns didn't help. Nor did positive thinking, rationalizing, or emoting. Hitting the bed with a pillow only damaged the pillow. I also tried to fix the feelings by seeking solutions through relationships, sex, religion, spirituality, work, money, and anything else that I believed could repair me. Nothing worked. Nothing. Several years ago

At Unity yesterday, Peggy asked me to give a short reflection on raising your vibration. I kind of giggled when she asked me because that language automatically taps on my woo woo button. I've had an ambivalent relationship with the Law of Attraction over the years. It seems to work really well for the people who teach it to others, but for those who are taught, I wonder??? In any case, I've had more than a few head scratching moments over the LOA. The idea that your vibration attracts your reality is an interesting one. I see friends who get so worried that having a low emotional state is going to wreck their entire lives that they don't realize it's the worry that's wrecking their lives. And the correlation that having a high vibration attracts to you all the stuff you want is also a bit strange. I know plenty of horribly miserable people who have everything they want. Their vibration appears to have nothing to do with it. So I decided to steer clear of the LOA in

How many times have you been hungry, but you couldn't decide where to eat? So you jump in your car, or open the phone book, or Google, and you start just looking. If you get hungry enough you might just stop at the first restaurant you see. Then sometimes you might just spot something that appeals to your hunger. Other times you may get an idea for dinner that seems to drop into your mind from out of left field. What you realize is that there's no right way to figure out what you're going to have for dinner. You just look until you find something. Your career is much the same. In all the years I've worked with people on career direction, I've only met one who knew from a very young age what he wanted to be. The rest of the people I've worked with have had to look for their path, sometimes finding that one path isn't exactly what they were looking for then moving toward another. Starting a business is much the same. You can write it all down ahead of ti

Yesterday when I was walking Vinnie, I realized that for the past several years I've been entranced by a fixation. This particular fixation is money. For at least the last 8 years I've been thinking about money, even when I haven't been thinking about money. Most of my waking hours are spent trying to figure out how to make more. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind as I go to sleep. This isn't the first time I've been fixated on something. In my late 20s through 30s I was focused on love and sex. My thinking was that if I just had love, my life would be OK, and love was translated as lots of sex. So I had a lot of relationships. I think the longest lasted about six months. Most were one date or one night. There was a flip flop pattern that went on for the duration in which I'd either be fleeing from someone clinging to me, or clinging to someone who was fleeing from me. I read a ton of books on getting and keeping

A friend asked me what I believe. I had to think about that for awhile because over the past almost 20 years, I've not put a lot of stock in believing. I've been more inclined to let go of beliefs than hold onto them, and I can't say as I miss them. I spent a number of years learning how to articulate what I believed, mostly so that I could impress people with knowledge, and be seen as a leader in the evangelical circles I was a part of. It was a big game of approval seeking, both on a human scale and on the divine. Those beliefs have all been challenged to the core by life itself until I can say without irony that I don't believe in believing. That's one shade better than not believing in anything. I'm not an atheist, but I'm not convinced that believing in God is necessary. It would seem that God is self evident. Believing or not doesn't make it real, it just is. And I'm not agnostic either. I don't need to wait and see. I don't really have

The Earth's atmosphere is a marvel. This layer of gases that are drawn close to the planet by it's gravitational pull makes life possible. It sustains and protects, providing aspiration to biological life, and shielding the planet and all of us from extreme radiation, allowing through just enough light and heat to make the planet habitable. Within the atmosphere, there is a constant fluctuation of pressure and temperature and energy. These forces manifest as different kinds of weather patterns. In Colorado it's not uncommon to see a change in temperature of 50 degrees or more in a few hours time. The weather can go from a blinding blizzard to calm, clear and sunny in a matter of minutes, and then back again. Atmosphere and weather patterns come to mind as a metaphor to understand the relationship between mind, consciousness and thought, and how these principles work to create our personal experiences of life. There isn't really a well defined boundary between the atmosp

Vinnie is our Teacup Yorkshire Terrier. Four pounds of world domination that has me wrapped around his tiny paw. Up until we got Vinnie it had been many years since I'd had a dog, and I'd forgotten some of the perks. Of course the main benefit is the love. He's always happy to see me. And I'm happy to see him. Coming into the house feels so good, every time. He is also an amazing watchdog, though only as intimidating as a little guy can be. He thinks he's way bigger than he is, but his bark is loud and shrill enough to wake even me at the slightest strange sound. Tonight I'm appreciating another sweet aspect of dog ownership, a greater frequency of going outdoors. I wonder sometimes if half of Vinnie's body size is his bladder. Given how much he pees on his walks, you'd think that he might have more than one storage unit. Tonight before he goes back to join my early to bed wife, he comes and nudges me, his sign that it's time, and we go out to the ba